Answering Telemarketers, my new sport

Since my recent unemployment I've had plenty of time to enjoy the finer things in life, filling out endless online applications, watching mind warping infomercials and my all-time favorite answering random telemarketer calls at home. I have caller id, don't need to answer them if I don't know the number, but since things have been a little slow in the Owen Household I randomly answer a couple a day to entertain my sadistic side. Typical conversation just yesterday,

Your Hero (me, for those who are a little slow, like you didn't know I'm your hero ;) ): "Hello?"

The Villain (obviously anyone opposing your Hero, once again, me!): "Hi, May I speak to the man of the house?"

Your Hero: "Austin's at school."

The Villain: "I am looking for Jason"

Your Hero: "You got him"

The Villain: "Yes Sir, this is (insert random name here) you have been randomly selected..."

-- Ok a little break here for discussion. How have I been randomly selected? Was this like the lottery? Do you have the S.C. phone book on the wall and today was the day the dart hit my house? I really want to get to the bottom of this "randomly selected" thing! If anyone has any ideas feel free to email me. Obviously I'm on some total schmuck list somewhere so these people call me. I guess being randomly selected is a lot better than randomly getting hit by a bus or randomly having a piano fall on your head, but I think being randomly selected can be just as painful.

The Villain: "You have been randomly selected to take a cruise for two. Today and today only we are offering a cruise to the Bahamas for $250.00 per person."

Your Hero: " Well that's all well and good, but I got laid off from my job last week and don't think that would be a good idea right now."

The Villain: " Oh, I see, well this offer is so good I don't think you can pass this up!"

Your Hero: "Oh yeah?! Hmm (insert random name) let's see.. where does this cruise leave from?

Villain: "Florida, Once you arrive in Florida, we take care...

Your Hero: " Hold on, let me get this straight, you want me to pay for gas to drive to Florida, pay $500.00 for my wife and a to go on a cruise, take the next week off from job hunting and take this cruise?"

Villain: "yes Mr. Owen this deal is too good to pass up!"

Your Hero: " Well I hate to disappoint you, but I don' think it would be a very responsible decision to take this cruise right now. Unless (Insert random name here) you can come and give me a ride to Florida and let an unemployed guy borrow a couple thousand dollars?"

Villain: "Well sir I can't..."

Your Hero: "Well I can' either"

Villain: "I'm sorry you can't take advantage of this offer, do you have any friends or family members whose numbers you could give me who might want to take advantage of this offer?"

Your Hero: " Oh Hell yeah, I got a list of friends and family that have pissed me off enough to give you their numbers, hold on"

--click--

I'm a glutton for punishment, what can I say?

Take Care,

Jason